Today I think I came to the realization why that is, but first I must say I am very very intuitive, I always have been... When I was 9 I knew my dog was dying... while we we're out of town on vacation and my dog was at home. I accurately predicted an earthquake recently. I just "knew" that a certain someone that I used to work with was a child molester while everyone else thought this person was god's gift to the universe... and no one would listen to me when I said that something just "wasn't right". I have had and still do have experiences with people who have died. I can go to a place, especially an old or historic place and "see" things happening there, kind of like watching a movie... My high school guidance counselor described it best when I asked her why people, especially those with problems, seem to seek me out: she said that I just give off some kind of psychic something or other, something unspoken, that tells people that they can come to me and they won't be judged and I will do whatever I can to help them.... maybe this is why...? I don't know but these are just a few things.... very very vague things that have happened to me.
So back to my realization: I really dislike shaking hands with people until I know them better because there are times when I touch someone I don't know and get this nauseas feeling in my stomach like I know something that they wouldn't want anyone to know about themselves... like I know something really bad they've done that is so deeply rooted in their subconscious that they just pass the information on to me... I can't really explain it but today, while at work, one of my customers brushed my hand and I wanted to take a shower... but I knew I still wouldn't feel clean. It was very very awkward.
I know if anyone reads this you will think that I'm crazy, but if anyone can sympathize with my situation and offer some type of advice to understand it better.... or give any type of advice.... I would really appreciate it....
I feel like I am at a personal crossroads...
Growing up I have always had a huge heart and have always been very aware the impact that I may or may not have on the world. I feel that, finally, I am at a point where I need to make a decision about the type of life that I want to lead.
I have been through enough tough times to write a best-selling memoir at the age of 23 (I haven't, but I could..) and my experiences could lead me in two distinct directions:
1. I could become a grouchy, mean, cynical, unhappy person that doesn't care about any real consequences of my actions.
OR
2. I could become the person that doesn't waste time with the trivial, someone who lives each moment IN the moment (how very Buddhist of me), a person that sees the good in everything, someone who truly tries to make a positive impact on the planet and all the creatures on it (I'm starting to sound like a hippie... ugh).
Alot of contemplation and soul-searching has led me to number 2. Starting today I will try my hardest to live the type of life that I want. Hopefully when I go through rough patches I can come back and look at this and it will help me get back to the middle.
So... I'm sitting here wondering why I have never come across vox in my blog obsessed adventures... hm...
something to ponder...
Wow, you certainly are beautiful, i lve your hair, that colour is awesome read more
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